a little more information than you need to know

2 parallel journals, updated every day
daily bread
the other side

fast forward 30 years

daily self portraits and (not so) random thoughts

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

9.2.08 - 2/365

i wasn't prepared for this
despite the warnings
i wasn't prepared to be so unnerved by aging
my whole life i have always looked much younger than i am

now when you are a kid
and everyone thinks your little brother is older than you are
life just isn't fair

and when you are a teen
and are still taken for being in the single digits
this does not do wonders for your social standing

and when you are a young adult
and you are continually carded
(i grew up when the drinking age was 18)
you begin to wonder when
you will finally be thankful for this curse

but slowly you get to the age
where you do come to accept
and then enjoy
what once was a burden

and i lived in that place for quite a while

but the last 2 years of stress
of being without a home
without a studio
and without the space to spend long periods of time alone
have aged me
and i don't like it

i am surprised by it
i was never one to hide my age
so i thought i was comfortable with it

i was never one who deliberately used my looks as a passport
so i thought i didn't care

but growing up in ny,
in the fashion world
where beauty is taken for granted

and being in the art world
where youth is a commodity that is impossible to hold on to

it seems these things have had a larger effect on me
than i have cared to acknowledge
but is now undeniable

part of the motivation for engaging in this project
i believe
a desire to confront this head on,
to make peace with it
to leave it behind

1 comment:

Obdada said...

i LoVe youR introSpecTioN--
HoNesT aNd RefreshinG to Me
aS i haVe faCeD/faCe the eXacT saMe HuMaN conditioN...WhicH iS uniVersaL ==anD yoU puT iT so simpLy..