THIS is my studio cat
her name is smudge
but
(unlike oski who is kind of a rag doll)
she is very fidgety
so i'm kind of surprised she let me take this
even though i have come to realize that i need a fresh start
i am having a lot of trouble letting go of stuff
i actually do have a bit of that "hoarding" disease
though i like to see it from the perspective of being an "archivist"
(as evidenced by welcome to my own private hell;
which unfortunately doesn't make too much sense now
since i didn't keep it "pro"
therefore 90% of the images are not visible,
but i digress...)
and
i think of myself as a collagist
which makes "never being able to throw anything out" kind of all right
it also turns out
that when you are afflicted with this condition,
if you do manage to discard something
your ego
ever vigilant against change
quickly thinks up a crucial need for whatever it was that you just threw out
like today
i managed to get rid of 4 little tiles,
samples for my bathroom in the loft 25 years ago!!!
then i moved a chest down to the basement
and i needed to level it...
and guess what that required...
yup,
those tiles
so that's kind of how it goes...
but i did get a lot of stuff downstairs into storage
things that never should have been in here in the first place
and i ordered a ream of tissue paper
so i can pack up some of the stuff
that i was so happy to unpack a month ago
because one way or another
i am going to have to start fresh.
Monday, September 15, 2008
9.15.08 - 15/365
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2 comments:
but the thing to let it go...
that i had to practice by force
had no choice then. it was like i had to all of a sudden choose what was essential and what was not, hard it was when i think that even zeca could not come in the package, it still hurts but i now feel comfortable again to be g_z to honour him.
fresh start is a great thing when you got everything new around you. i had to crawl back to childhood and parents' lodging which makes harder to think i can get out if it again, as if i had never lived the life i did. but the nicest evidence of it, oh yes i did live it, is you babe.
i aM aLwayS reminDed oF thE oLd sayinG:
"By yoUR poSSeSSioNs yoU aRe PoSSeSSeD"
By mY PossEssiOnS i aM oBseSseD!!! foR suRe
iT'S aLL VaNiTy= YeS!
i LiKe yoUR aNaLySiS
i aM traPPeD/sTucK with thE SaMe "probLeM"
ThaT'S LiFe..
WheN i thinK oF LeaVinG thiS worLd i wanT to jusT discarD/recycle== NO jusT DISCARD everythinG.
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