it is fairly significant that
this is the first image
after a week of doing this project
of me in my studio
and of me working
part of the impetus for my joining 365days
was a need to shift the focus back on to myself
and by that i mean
back on to my work
because that is where the true sense of myself is
the past 2 years have been about returning to this place
returning to the world i left when i moved
returning to the world inside myself
i walked out of a door
and when it closed behind me
it disappeared
leaving me on the other side
with no clear map
of how to get back
and it's taken me this long
to find my way
i read an interesting article this morning
from yesterday's times
(brave new world of digital intimacy)
it's about the phenomena of “ambient awareness.”
or the pervasive desire for on-line social contact
and how that is fostered by facebook, twitter and yes
flickr
so we all know
from personal experience
what this is about
but it is a very specific kind of connectedness
that i am looking for
one that is based completely on the visual
have always created multiple personalities
within every on-line situation
i have lost count of the fotologs,
the photoblogs,
the photonets,
the lomo homes,
the amigos,
the flickrs,
the fotolas
and the stand alone blogs
both solo and shared
that i have created
each with its own voice
each an attempt to set an aspect of my persona free
part of this schizophrenia
is a need to continually start fresh
and anonymous
i want what i do to stand on its own
not to be buoyed by personal connection
and somehow
even on-line
i find that my sense of responsibility
to the relationships i develop
starts to outweigh my responsibility to the work i am making
and i become
once again
lost and unfocused
i want to be seen
and
i want to be known
for what i make
it's that simple
i can talk to my friends
and my family
my work needs to be able to speak
without me
and to reach people
who do not know me
and
a relationship fed solely
(ok, maybe primarily)
by curiosity about visual expression
and
a desire for growth & exploration of that expression
seems to me,
to be
the highest thing
i have had (and lost) this;
it is difficult to maintain
keeping the shared connection sacred
not allowing the outside world to intrude
but
there is a purity about it
that is true intimacy
and i am grateful that it is still in my life
anyway
the article ended with the following:
(she) argues that her constant status updating has made her “a happier person, a calmer person” because the process of, say, describing a horrid morning at work forces her to look at it objectively. “It drags you out of your own head,” she added. In an age of awareness, perhaps the person you see most clearly is yourself."
4 comments:
i know what you mean, but...
every one of my closest fotolog/fotola/flickr friendships started with a bond -- a profound bond -- that was based solely on a visual connection. something about the way you and j and l (and others) see went straight to the deep, deep places in my heart, and i had a sense of knowing you truly and certainly...and in each case when i met each of you, it was so.
(in fact, the very small number of cases where a fotoblogging friendship went bad were where the connection was established by something other than the visual -- the two who raised such a stink about the fotolog book, for example, were people i felt a connection with based on their writing, not their photographs, which i found distant and opaque)
and yet the visual intimacy created a powerful longing to know all of you personally...and the joy was, on meeting each of you, it was as if we were the oldest and closest of friends, based not on any shared history but on something that bypassed all that and went to the deeper places that count most.
i've come to care for all of you so much that if knew our personal relationship was coming between you and your work, i could be content not seeing you for a long, long time, so that you could be free to pursue that which drew me to you in the first place.
but...i'll never regret meeting and knowing you. your friendship has meant more than you may ever know...and it has carried me through some hard times. your affirmation has given me the extra push of courage to continue when the way seemed unclear and the distractions too numerous.
thank you, my friend.
(and if you do have room for personal connection anytime in the near future, i'm dying to see you...in non-virtual space.)
xo
b
you´ve gone a long way babe*
and i am so grateful there was still a little room for our connectedness still here.
this is you truly.
YoU aRe mY
diacetylmorphine; chem. formula: C 17 H 17 NO(C 2 H 3 0 2) 2.
@ bruce
you have written the most lovely testament to the power of images and i too have experienced that magic
i didn't mean to imply that it was the actual crossing from the virtual to the physical world that sidetracks me,
this same thing can happen within the context of a purely virtual relationship.
what i am trying to overcome
for myself
is a sense of responsibility that can develop
when i start to project
that there is any sort of expectation
that i have to live up to
when i feel that i will disappoint
if i don't stay true to some persona
that i have developed
it is of course
more between me & me
than me & others
and it is of course a barrier that i have to break through
or i will endlessly be starting new projects
instead of working through old problems
and i would love to see you soon
:)*
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