8.30.09 - 364/365

something came together today,
not only was i able to come to some decisions about how to proceed
but i also had a real feeling sense that i am doing the right thing
for my process
and i really felt that the paint was waiting for me
not neglected or stagnate
but just there with me
bubbling below the surface

a little fantasy

7.1.09 - 304/365

i am still doing these as my "life(s) lesson(s)" journals
i just didn't feel like taking a sp today
once again,
i ended up spending a massive amount of time on community stuff
it's worthwhile
but it's not working for me

4.24.09 - 236/365

proof positive that it's really just the way my face responds to the camera
i tried to make a "not unhappy" sp today...
out of about 10,
this is the ONLY one that doesn't look as if i am about to burst into tears...

and what a kind of wild day today was ...
i am still amazed by the power of social media;
last night,
i got an email from an acquaintance/friend
about 2 beagles that were rescued & needed a home
i decided to post them on flickr
by the time i got up this morning,
someone had read the post and was moved to post it on digg;
and my flickrmail & gmail were on fire.
let me first say, that i am thrilled that a tiny little effort on my part has gone such a long way to helping others, especially 4 legged others;
it seems as if the dogs have a new home
i'll keep updating the flickr page as i get more news.

but meta-me has to say
that if i didn't "get" "viral" before,
i sure do now:
in 24 hours that one photo got 18,000 hits
13,000 of which came from digg!

and interestingly
only 50 of those 18,000 explored further than that one page
says something about how people use the internet...

also today i received some books i had ordered -
i realized that i haven't been reading
and that has always an important part of my process:

party of one: the loners' manifesto: brings an attitude of "rightness" to needing to be alone
flow: almost a classic at this point, but never got around to it, i think it might wake something up in me
getting through the day: awful title, but deals with how having grown up in an abusive situation can extend into adulthood and how one can heal those issues. my therapist recommended it, it's not something i'll be bringing away with me on the upcoming family trip

an uneventful day in the studio,
but peaceful,
which is a major improvement
watercolors are getting ugly again
(btw that's not harsh, it's process)
but i really do
(surprisingly)
like this one


(no, not with my left hand)

(wow this post is all over the place)

4.14.09 - 226/365

so
this is what i felt was really a picture of me today
this piece that i have been working on for the last 40+ days

yesterday i mentioned a gtd tool
(that's "getting things done")
that made me feel surprisingly content
and i attributed that to being able to create a visualization of the inside of my head.
todoist is structured exactly the way that i break things down for myself
so it is very satisfying for me to use
and this activity
of organizing thoughts
is very comforting to me
it's why i was so drawn into database design;
when i first started programming i would stay up every night until 3 or 4
and go to bed feeling as if i was sleeping inside the structure of what i had just made.

my on-line activity,
when it is going well
(and by that i suppose i mean
when it is serving my vision
as opposed to running my life)
gives me much the same feeling
my ideas become mapped out visually
and preserved in a way
that makes me feel free to continue exploring,
it feels as if i have created a trail
to a little virtual home that once again,
at the end of the day
i can curl up in and go to sleep.

and when my painting is going well
this same metaphor exists
hopefully,
in my studio,
it is my feelings,
not my thoughts,
that have been mapped out
and put into a (relatively) permanent & accessible form

this of course,
is always a struggle for me;
my being (in jungian terms) a thinking type,
i am very comfortable reasoning things through
but feeling them...
and then expressing those feelings...
this does not come naturally to me
and therefore,
it is what is most meaningful for me
to accomplish

so when i am connected
and making work that sort of bypasses my brain
i have that same sensation
at the end of the day:
when i ago to sleep
i crawl into the little nest that i have made
inside the container of my work

when this happens
i feel fulfilled.

so today,
i was thinking about this parallel
and how it can help guide me
and i had an insight that this is what it is actually all about
in this moment:
the JOURNEY,
the way back home

i have always felt a sense of mapping about my process
(i wanted to name one show: "mapping my way out of hell",
my gallery wasn't thrilled)
and for the past 2 years i have been obsessed with
wanting/needing to find my way back home

if i look at the work i am making right now
and
if i look at the structure that i have based my latest 2 watercolor projects on
it is about following these threads
making connections between my days
tracing pathways...

so i feel there might be an answer here
an answer that i have been working on
but just haven't been able to connect to it
we'll see if this is true
if this resonance persists

in as much as i try to work from that feeling place
ultimately
it is when i find a reason for things
that i am truly comforted
c'est la guerre

3.25.09 - 206/365

part of another project

on the way to making this drawing,
when i had just drawn the skull,
i saw how my father's face was connected to mine

1.17.09 - 139/365

something said "gold" today


more flower power

1.6.09 - 128/365

paint, write, post

(for fgr and your three words)


something i made for somewhere else and never posted

11.5.08 - 66/365

for so many years now
i've hated our flag
and what it stood for
(never posting an image that had one in it)

that's over now
i am proud to be an american
i am proud of our country
proud that we finally woke up,
recognized a true leader
got off our asses
and voted to change our future

now a little story:

i got new paints today
that's always exciting
but when i started working
i didn't like the texture of some of the colors
they were too sticky
and seemed not to be properly formulated
i once had a tube like that before...
i threw it out

what a disappointment
but then,
i looked at the tubes again
and...
they were oil paints
not water colors!!!!
silly me
:p

so i made a little mixed media painting
(as well as made a mess out of my brushes)

10.31.08 - 61/365

so this is a first and a last

the first time i have ever done my watercolors in a car
(i almost always do them when i fly)

and the last of my october postings of drawn self portraits
i feel i have learned a lot from doing them
and i think i should continue
but i also think i need a bit of a change right now
so i am going to change it up for november

a bit of the road

10.30.08 - 60/365

so...
i've always had this problem;
having the drawing grow off the page,
at least
i finally found some color!!!

other choices i might have made . . .

from today | from yesterday

10.29.08 - 59/365

as i mentioned
when i began this life drawing thing
as my "october project"
drawing the figure
is really what i like best
when it comes to making representational work

(and of course,
drawing pears)

in some ways
i am a bit surprised
i didn't do more of it
but then again
maybe i'm not

10.27.08 - 57/365

can you stick out your tongue and touch your nose?

my first fgr submission: and i licked it

it seemed like a good idea at the time
but i really don't like drawing from a photo
even with the elaborate mirror/photobooth setup,
it's what i ended up doing

10.26.08 - 56/365

back row: canon s70
middle row: work journal, daily bread
front row: life(s) lesson(s), left handed, starting w/(a) line

hmmmmmmmmm...

from my garden: 3 tomatoes and a fig

10.25.08 - 55/365

metaphoric me

here but just barely....

today
i was even more tired than yesterday
if such a thing were possible
tired & sore
but relieved


the other one

10.24.08 - 54/365

after 10 hours of moving boxes and paintings
from storage
into the house & studio
i am exhausted
(that's why i am lying down)

lying down takes away
the lines and bags
and other signs of wear & tear
(that's why i am lying down)


but there is a bright side

the paintings are all in
with room for more to come

for the complete picture of what i am dealing with
you can visit welcome to my own private hell

10.23.08 - 53/365

i was hoping to make a real fashion-y illustration
(think early warhol)
but i had to rely on photoshop

i much prefer my distortion in camera

in motion
:D

tights courtesy of Red Lipstick
my fav boutique in brooklyn
thanks staceyjoy*

10.22.08 - 52/365

shadow self

one of those days


earlier
i wrapped my painting racks
to keep the dust out
i felt kind of like christo

in a christo state of mind

10.21.08 - 51/365

left by right | right by left


and now for something completely different

10.20.08 - 50/365

so
many
different
faces

but this is what i see

10.19.08 - 49/365

very
very
quiet
mood
today