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2 parallel journals, updated every day
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daily bread
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the other side

fast forward 30 years

daily self portraits and (not so) random thoughts

Sunday, April 12, 2009

4.12.09 - 224/365

in the studiopeople keep telling me to stop being so hard on myself
i suppose they feel that i blame myself for the place that i am in
or
that i am expecting too much from myself?
i am not sure
all i know is that i want to feel more connected to myself
and to my work
all i know is that without that sense of connection
all i feel is despair
it's not that i blame myself
it's just that if i don't take responsibility for it
how will it change?
and all this introspection
i am not sure if it is helping
this constantly looking at myself from the outside
trying to present some comprehensible view of things
trying to convey how i feel
without sounding pathetic
is this just exacerbating the situation???

it seems all i do is question, question, question
i was always much better at doing
as opposed to being
now i seem to be excelling
at observing myself not doing

perhaps this is what they mean
about being too hard on myself,
well,
at least i've answered one question

2 comments:

SeLFs said...

MaYbE iT's tiMe
(foR nOW =aT leaSt/
oR ForEvEr=
}G_D onLy knOWs_)
2 JUST B
EverYthiNg yoU dO
frOM thiS moMenT oN
iS GraVy/iCinG oN thE CaKe.
aNd theN iF sOMethinG
reaLLy GreaT HappeNs
TheN ptL
*i thinK wheN sOMe peopLe praY
~iN ChanT fORm/
oR by rOTe~
iT iS jusT a waY tO turN oFF thE NegatiViTy
AnD/oR bY aPpeaLinG tO ThaT HiGHer SOMETHING
WiThouT/oR\wiThiN
1,,,2,3,,,9,10,,,.

g_z said...

no matter what
no matter how

i am here
with u*