a little more information than you need to know

2 parallel journals, updated every day
daily bread
the other side

fast forward 30 years

daily self portraits and (not so) random thoughts

Sunday, April 12, 2009

4.12.09 - 224/365

in the studiopeople keep telling me to stop being so hard on myself
i suppose they feel that i blame myself for the place that i am in
that i am expecting too much from myself?
i am not sure
all i know is that i want to feel more connected to myself
and to my work
all i know is that without that sense of connection
all i feel is despair
it's not that i blame myself
it's just that if i don't take responsibility for it
how will it change?
and all this introspection
i am not sure if it is helping
this constantly looking at myself from the outside
trying to present some comprehensible view of things
trying to convey how i feel
without sounding pathetic
is this just exacerbating the situation???

it seems all i do is question, question, question
i was always much better at doing
as opposed to being
now i seem to be excelling
at observing myself not doing

perhaps this is what they mean
about being too hard on myself,
at least i've answered one question


SeLFs said...

MaYbE iT's tiMe
(foR nOW =aT leaSt/
oR ForEvEr=
}G_D onLy knOWs_)
EverYthiNg yoU dO
frOM thiS moMenT oN
iS GraVy/iCinG oN thE CaKe.
aNd theN iF sOMethinG
reaLLy GreaT HappeNs
TheN ptL
*i thinK wheN sOMe peopLe praY
~iN ChanT fORm/
oR by rOTe~
iT iS jusT a waY tO turN oFF thE NegatiViTy
AnD/oR bY aPpeaLinG tO ThaT HiGHer SOMETHING

g_z said...

no matter what
no matter how

i am here
with u*