5.17.09 - 259/365

they are tucked away somewhere,
those pictures
with their bent corners
b&w,
some yellowed or lined by creased emulsion...
you as a baby,
me as a small child,
alex the cat,
before there was a dog.
our family,
then.

they are tucked away safely
in an envelope,
perhaps between two books,
on a shelf
somewhere in my studio.

i came across them about a month ago
and thought
"they are tucked away,
safe in this envelope
some place where
i will happen upon them,
from time to time,
but not too often"

and i will be surprised again
and i will look through them again
and remember,
feel that nostalgic tug
and then put them back
away,
in the same place
safe
until the next time

and i was thinking
"they will be here
if ever i should need them"
except they are not
because that moment has come
and i can't remember
where a safe place might possibly be.

if this was then
instead of now
if this was where my life used to be
i would be able to go to them in a second
i would know exactly where they were
on a shelf
between two books
in my studio

but it's not
everything is new
everything
despite my best efforts
is still inside out
and i have no idea
where a safe place might possibly be.

yes
i am missing a few important pictures
for a little project i have taken on,
i've been scanning pictures of my brother over the years,
a friend of his is putting together a slide show
for his 50th birthday celebration next weekend
(yes, my little brother)
and since i got him a digital frame for his birthday,
the images will have a place there as well.

this is the first medium format picture i ever took
i borrowed a camera and set it up,
made 11x14" prints
(that was a big deal in 11th grade)
and sepia toned them
to give as christmas presents
to our parents & grandparents