2.8.09 - 161/365

so,
when you have an epiphany
what do you do with it ?

i am referring to what i wrote yesterday
about how i am self medicating my depression with caffeine
(which i think is fine)
but needing to figure out how to act on the understanding i have gained
(which i think is necessary)
about this downward spiraling

i had a late start in the studio
and had held off on the coffee until i was ready to get to work,
the headache had started
and i was experiencing some frustration
(over a foto i had posted that wasn't contrasty enough)
and i was beginning to descend

beginning to feel i would always make mistakes
beginning to feel it was futile to go forward
beginning to feel that all was lost

now
even though i don't take prescribed medication for my "issues"
i know that if one does,
it is helpful to couple that with therapy
so that you can use the freedom from the depression
to free yourself from the patterns that cause it

i feel it's no different with self-medication
and i feel it would be a waste
if i didn't use the insight i had gained
to modify my behavior.

so
when i witnessed what was going on,
where i was headed,
i stopped,
i put down my brushes,
and took 10 deep breathes,
10 deep breathes in tadasana,
10 deep breathes in mountain pose
it just seemed like the most obvious way to ground myself
to counteract the feelings of becoming unmoored

and i followed the annusara principles:
root the 4 corners of the feet
let the skin drape over the body
hug the muscles to the bone
inner spiral
outer spiral
fill the back body with breath
open the heart
align the ears over the shoulders
stand tall
pull up from the earth
push down into the ground

it worked

and then i took a picture
(not in tadasana)
and then i went back to work: