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2 parallel journals, updated every day
daily bread
the other side

fast forward 30 years

daily self portraits and (not so) random thoughts

Sunday, August 2, 2009

8.2.09 - 336/365

in the studioit grew so dark
in the middle of the day
and it rained
and rained
and rained

i don't know where else to put this

i think it's part of a new project
that hasn't quite formed yet
so it goes here for now

in the studio
even though this painting was started in my new studio
it is old work
and i am through with this for now
there are aspects of it that i love
but i see those things in too many other places
i used to like that
i used to find it a confirmation
as if i was tapping into a pulse
hooking into the collective
but i don't feel this way anymore
i feel it has become a way of seeing
a language
a response
that is no longer new
is rather obvious

i am looking for a new language
a new vocabulary
i am not comfortable with what i am finding
in fact
i am so uncomfortable
that each day i come into the studio
i have to start from scratch
retrace my steps
to find the thread of continuity
it's like having to start at the beginning of a book
each time you sit down to read
eventually you can skim those first chapters
because they are
after all
and perhaps it is just that
that continual repitition
that allows you to own it

but anyway
as i was on my way to saying
i am not comfortable with this new language
even though it is unquestionably mine
i have been using it for as long as i can remember
if i look around the studio
it is in the watercolors
the doodles
the oils
large & small
but i am not comfortable
yet i have no choice

so this painting
let's see
how it transforms
into the present
from where it started
as if it was 3 years ago

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