7.19.09 - 322/365

when i feel i don't have limits on my time
my time feels more expansive
seems obvious
but what maybe is not so apparent
is that when i don't feel the limits
i don't have to fight so hard to protect what i see as vulnerable
and i don't have to worry that i won't have enough time
this allows me more freedom
freedom to even relax

when i am on my own
without ANY obligations
i can drift from one thing to another
and then back again
without worrying that i will be stopped mid stream
with something left undone

and i can put the bothersome things
way
way
in the back of my mind
let them slip through the cracks if they like
(something always does
anyway)
i can't do that
if there is an outside presence
a constant reminder
that
shoulds/shouldn'ts
coulds/couldn'ts
exist in the world
because then
i feel the need
to work every single second
least i squander some precious time
and that just isn't realistic