1.18.09 - 140/365

when i make work
i think a lot about the truth
that goes for photos as well as paintings
and it's really come up for me with this 365 self portrait project
because one has a lot of different truths about one's self
there is how you really see yourself
there is how you would like to be seen
there is how you think the world sees you...

this is only one of the ways i see myself
but it is most definitely a truth
especially after a day in the studio
when i have weathered being hooked up to
what i sometimes call
"the pipeline of grief"
and i am not particularly thrilled with the results

but this picture also causes me to question certain aspects of this "truth"
because it's a very harsh truth
and a very unforgiving truth
and a not very attractive truth
and whether i am examining
either myself
or
my work
(same thing really)
i seem to find
that more often than not
this is the truth that i feel is more valid

more valid than the truth of beauty
and of light
and of joy

about 3 1/2 years ago
before the move was a reality,
i experienced what it was like to work
from a different place
to honor play over frustration
to believe that you could take risks by pushing joy
as well as pushing pain
i am not sure exactly how i am going to get back to that place
but i think it would be a good idea
especially
because then i could stop taking pictures like this:

because i am thinking things like this:

"a painting about nothing, isn't anything"

sidebar
i already knew what i was posting, when i checked fgr for today
and lo & behold it falls right into place for profound photography