3.31.09 - 212/365

so then i tried looking
i went to see a show
that a friend of mine curated
i was hoping
(again)
for that spark
to ignite something inside

it didn't
it left me feeling so derivative
even more detached
i am going to run out of tricks soon

3.30.09 - 211/365

so i do a lot of looking
and
i do some planting
then
i do some painting

i am still trying
i am still trying for connection
i am still trying for meaning
without these two aspects of the process
there is no joy, no rhyme, no reason

3.29.09 - 210/365

tried...

i've never had a time
when working in the garden,
planting,
getting my hands deep in the earth,
hasn't turned my head around...
where am i???

3.28.09 - 209/365

trying
to make something real

3.27.09 - 208/365

same place
different day
thinking about a lot of changes
putting them into place in my head
i don't need my life back
i just need my self

3.26.09 - 207/365

nothing dramatic
i am just tired of taking my picture
and i am just tired
(again)

3.25.09 - 206/365

part of another project

on the way to making this drawing,
when i had just drawn the skull,
i saw how my father's face was connected to mine

3.24.09 - 205/365

groovin' on the wide angle a bit

not sure why i did this
to this
but that's the way it went tonight
maybe a reflection of the contrived nature of my work flow right now
have to figure out how to make that a bit more fluid

3.23.09 - 204/365

this has been grueling;
this camera decision stuff

i am not sure i was always this obsessive
when it came to making decisions,
i think that it might be renovation damage;
the feeling that every choice i make
i will have to live with for the rest of my life...

while this might be true for the 11' egg shaped green custom poured concrete counter
it is not true for a digital point & shoot

so i think i am going to keep the lx3 over the g10
even though there are some real "issues" for me:
it's slower changing between modes (on/off, viewing screen/playback screen)
self timer has to be reset each time you use it
the raw conversion system is a nightmare unless, i guess, you have cs4 which i don't
i am going to miss having any telephoto option
but...
it feels more like my camera

and i think the quality of the images is beautiful
and it seems gr8 in low light
and i am tired of playing this game

3.22.09 - 203/365

this is one of 2 new daily watercolor projects that i started this year.
this one will be 100 drawings that form a grid,
the other is daily individual pages that will be put in accordion book form.
i put these up today
because i needed to see evidence
of something actually getting done

3.21.09 - 202/365

it's 2 am and i am just finishing in here
even i can recognize obsession when i see it . . .
as i said on twitter:

like the fine line between love & hate,
i am beginning to suspect that
following one's bliss
&
needing a reality check
are closely related

3.20.09 - 201/365

why do i look like this???
why all the confusion???

because i am not happy with my new camera
i am not sure the image quality is beautiful
i am not sure that it matches up to my trusty s70
and
i am not sure i like feeling this way
:(

i have read that it's great in bright light
i think it sucks
and it's not really sharp
(softer a bit than the g9 apparently)
;(

update: http://imageresponse.blogspot.com/2009/03/g10-ests.html

3.19.09 - 200/365

out with the old
in with the new

now the reality is
there is very little,
well,
really?
no perceptible difference
between these two images
one from my old camera
&
one from the new

which i suppose
is why i stuck with the s70 for so long

there are a lot of improvements:
much better low light capabilities
anti shake
less shutter delay
but some clear issues
mainly involving file storage and work flow

that's technology for ya'

now why did i go with the g10 over the lx3?
ultimately i felt that i needed a longer lens
more than a wider one

and as far as the size goes
the lx3 is small
but not really small
so...

if i find that i am not wanting to carry the g10 with me
because it is too big
i will get one of the really good,
semi manual
really small cameras
there is a lumix
(it shoots raw)
&
a samsung
(no raw but that's what i have the g10 for:
shooting paintings)
that would do the trick

3.18.09 - 199/365

taking time from painting . . .
must make this camera decision
thankfully it's a beautiful day to ride into town

3.17.09 - 198/365

so tired tonite...

3.16.09 - 197/365

i wonder if
it's a good thing
or
a bad thing
if
you like your
brush tray & your painting rag
better than your painting

3.15.09 - 196/365

so this is the picture i took with the clamped camera
there is no rhyme nor reason for it
except that it was 2 AM

3.14.09 - 195/365

continued confusion

my faithful camera is REALLY going
it's got an electronic glitch and i can barely keep it on
i am still vacillating between the canon g10 & the panasonic lumix lx3
it's size vs focal length

the lumix is tiny, has gr8 low light capabilities but basically no telephoto
(it does go very wide, but that's not my thing)
it also has a scary magenta issue

the g10 is a little bigger than what i have now
:(
and that's an issue for me
otherwise it looks pretty solid

what's a girl to do????

whatever decision i make
(and i've been mulling over this for months)
it is going to have to happen very soon

3.13.09 - 194/365

still looking for answers
and
still confused

3.12.09 - 193/365

as hard as it has been in the studio, it's hard to leave to go to work
and today...
i maybe shouldn't have left,
got a flat tire on the bridge on the way in
and then as i was leaving tonite,
i find that in the process of completing
the thing i have spent
the past 2 days on
i have inadvertently messed up something else,
that extends company wide...
and writing this
i still don't know
to what extent,
needless to say
i don't feel very good about things

3.11.09 - 192/365

oski's looking for trespassing cats and i'm looking for answers
i have lost the thread i found a few weeks ago
and i am having trouble reconnecting
sometimes i feel that it's a time issue
that i just need to figure out how to get those long uninterrupted blocks of time
that i feel my process needs
but lately
once again
that has been impossible
and it leaves me lost, confused and very unhappy

3.10.09 - 191/365

still . . . movement

3.9.09 - 190/365

i am beginning to feel as if i am up against that proverbial brick wall



not sure what prompted this, but i thought i'd include it

3.8.09 - 189/365

almost black & white

3.7.09 - 188/365

warm enough to have the studio door open

and look what i saw

3.6.09 - 187/365

quite distracted today...

got caught up modifying a tumblr template
(not finished or i'd link it)
and being nurse nina

3.5.09 - 186/365

tagged

4 fernando

i promise
the only thing i did was go down to the studio
(and feed the cats along the way)
fortunately,
before opening my computer this morning
i had already gotten up & put something on
(unfortunately,
it was a "sleep shirt" from victoria's secret circa 1990)

you're it:
bruce
maximorgana
inthegan
Prodigal Sunshine
Lltincelle

so these are the rules:
1. sit down.
2. take a picture of yourself right now. don't primp, just snap one!
3. upload it.
4. tag 5 people to do the same.

BUT
since i totally understand that some people REALLY don't want an image of themselves in their photostream
(maybe it would be too out of context of what they post
or
they simply don't want to be that accessible
or
whatever)
i say:
just take a picture now,
where you are,
of what you see
that's enough of a self portrait 4 me
:)

oops, i didn't sit down
(never was that good at games)

anyway,
its interesting this being tagged sh*t
and being on flickr
and facebook,
where this stuff runs rampant
i've never been tagged
not for the 100 things or the 16 things or the album cover thing or anything
and i was kind of....
ummmmmmm
sad
but i figured either
everyone probably feels they've been exposed to enough of me already
or
i am really not as social as i thought i was attempting to be

either way
it's ok

3.4.09 - 185/365

a little bit better in the studio today
i seem to be wanting to build up layers of images/marks
but i am so impatient some times
i want to do it all in one day
this doesn't work with oil
and it doesn't allow the paintings to speak

3.3.09 - 184/365

it's not a studio day today

connectivity...
by this i mean connected to the process
i mean feeling a sense of purpose
i mean going forward with intent and vision
not just slapping paint on the canvas

it's the difference between swimming & drowning
the difference between lost & found
the difference between hope & despair

(click image to see larger, for some reason it looks better)

3.2.09 - 183/365

some things change

others don't

still feeling disconnected

trying to filter the voices

3.1.09 - 182/365

i'm not feeling too connected

trying something different for march;
i've been wanting to do this for a while
but haven't felt up to it:
going for a diptych a day