a little more information than you need to know

2 parallel journals, updated every day
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daily bread
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the other side

fast forward 30 years

daily self portraits and (not so) random thoughts

Friday, July 31, 2009

7.31.09 - 334/365

in the studioit was extremely hard to start working today
i was having a lot of those "failure" feelings
but i did start
and it did go somewhere
and there was a sense of (tenuous) connection
and that's what i have to try to hold on to

and there are some pictures
that i still don't feel able
to post freely
because of the resonance they have

in the studiomirrored room installation, dan graham: beyond, whitney museum, nyc

Thursday, July 30, 2009

7.30.09 - 333/365

in the studio{sigh}
i don't know
if snapping a pic of yourslf every day
actually qualifies as taking self portraits
but it's all i've got right now...

sidebar:
and what do you think it is about this
that makes it a magnet for asian porn posts

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

7.28.09 - 331/365

on the street

having a hard time facing things
even though the writing's on the wall

Monday, July 27, 2009

7.27.09 - 330/365

in the studio

so i went to moma today
to "scratch"
and find the "spine"
of my current work
i came up with something on the ride home
i'm not sure whether or not
it held up once i got into the studio

Sunday, July 26, 2009

7.26.09 - 329/365

in the studio

lost again
can't find what i care about
painting is a lot about caring
this makes painting hard

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Friday, July 24, 2009

7.24.09 - 327/365

in the studiostrange that i chose this picture today
not at all representative
of how my day went
and how i was feeling about my work
(which wasn't wonderful)
that "connection" is still elusive
& i seem to have lost it again...

Thursday, July 23, 2009

7.23.09 - 326/365

in the studioi am not sure why i inverted today's image
looking up would have been appropriate
especially
considering
that i came home to
a small leak in my studio

in the studio

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

7.22.09 - 325/365

in the studioyears & years ago
(before it achieved cult status)
i read & followed
(at least as far as the morning pages went)
the artist's way
it's where my daily water colors came from

i just started reading twyla tharp's
the creative habit
you know that any book that says
that the real secret is to creativity
"doing it every day"
is going to work for me
:)

i know a lot of what she is writing about
but it's a good
(and much needed)
affirmation right now

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

7.21.09 - 324/365

in the rainon those days
when i don't do my watercolors today
until tomorrow
everything suffers a bit

Monday, July 20, 2009

7.20.09 - 323/365

in the studioi have been working
it's a slow process
i am not encountering the angst of the past
but i am not sure exactly what i am tapping into
i feel as if i am speaking
in a anguage that i don't understand
it's ok

listening to: dead weather

Sunday, July 19, 2009

7.19.09 - 322/365

in the studiowhen i feel i don't have limits on my time
my time feels more expansive
seems obvious
but what maybe is not so apparent
is that when i don't feel the limits
i don't have to fight so hard to protect what i see as vulnerable
and i don't have to worry that i won't have enough time
this allows me more freedom
freedom to even relax

when i am on my own
without ANY obligations
i can drift from one thing to another
and then back again
without worrying that i will be stopped mid stream
with something left undone

and i can put the bothersome things
way
way
in the back of my mind
let them slip through the cracks if they like
(something always does
anyway)
i can't do that
if there is an outside presence
a constant reminder
that
shoulds/shouldn'ts
coulds/couldn'ts
exist in the world
because then
i feel the need
to work every single second
least i squander some precious time
and that just isn't realistic

Saturday, July 18, 2009

7.18.09 - 321/365

in the studiohome alone
unbelievably
for the first time in this house
it's something i've needed
and it's another part of my life that is so different now

Friday, July 17, 2009

7.17.09 - 320/365

in the studiothe 3rd anniversary of buying the house
i know,
i could look a bit happier
but i was having a slow,
reorienting day
in the studio

7.16.09 - 319/365

on the decki managed to get home
while it was still light

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

7.15.09 - 318/365

in the studiosmudge is 10
i made her birthday 7/15
(since i have no way of knowing when it really is)
i was born 52.5 years ago
the 15th has always felt significant
my bro is may, my nana was march
and
3 years ago
i moved
i don't remember very much of the day
but i do remember that first night
in that interim apartment
with the cats totally traumatized
(they didn't come out for days)
and the only thing going through my head was
where am i???

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

7.14.09 - 317/365

in the gardenoutside
in the garden
by the light of my
cat eyes
just
because

Monday, July 13, 2009

7.13.09 - 316/365

in the studiosometimes
it just feels better to lie down on the floor
tho i have to admit,
my wood floor was a little more forgiving
than this concrete

Sunday, July 12, 2009

7.12.09 - 315/365

in the studiofinally
finally
finally
back in the studio

for as long as i can remember
i have started every new canvas
by cleaning my brushes on it
building up layers
until i see something
and then i start painting.

today
i just started painting
i have no idea how long it's been
since i painted directly on a blank canvas

Saturday, July 11, 2009

7.11.09 - 314/365

in the gardeni've said this before,
it's not just the time i spend doing activities outside the studio
it's the time it takes me to transition between the head spaces each entails
the community work is really a killer in this regard
yes, the meetings, the letter writing, the website & the administrative work all take up (lots) of time
but the person i need to be to do this work and the energy level it entails
is the antithesis of who i am in the studio.
the environment of community work is charged with adrenalin, emotion, anger and extreme passion, it is loud & noisy and i become bullheaded, bossy and idealistic
going from this environment to the studio
is like leaving a firing range and then trying to hear a pin drop
or going from bright, bright light into a dark room and trying to see
it is physically impossible
it takes time to adjust
and there is no way of knowing how long it will take

Friday, July 10, 2009

7.10.09 - 313/365

in the studiosmudge & i on the deck

and new canvases stretched and ready
a fruitful day
with my partner in crime

Thursday, July 9, 2009

7.9.09 - 312/365

in the studioi really don't like when have to do all my daily stuff
well
nightly
but sometimes that's the only way

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

7.8.09 - 311/365

in the gardens

another day not in the studio
i am still living my life in the future
this isn't working for me

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

7.7.09 - 310/365

in the studioi keep seeing something in the mirror
when i draw my self portraits
this is almost it

but it's missing this element

in the studio

i suppose that would mean getting out the tripod again
i just haven't felt like it
especially when it's late

Monday, July 6, 2009

7.6.09 - 309/365

in the gardeni rarely wear a hat
they tend to give me a headache
but
i've been stretching my canvases outside
and i can't believe i am actually saying this,
i think i've been getting too much sun
:)))

Sunday, July 5, 2009

7.5.09 - 308/365

in the studioyesterday
i posted an alternate sp
it was taken on the roof of the brooklyn museum
here's a slide show of what else i found there


Saturday, July 4, 2009

7.4.09 - 307/365

in the studioso it's july 4th
and finally there is sun
sun and no rain
so the beach is a no-brainer
a 45 minute bike ride
and we're at brighton
which,
since basically everyone is speaking russian
has very little of the independence day thing goin' on




and if i hadn't gone to the beach
this would have been me today

Friday, July 3, 2009

7.3.09 - 306/365

in the studioin the car


The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

by Derek Walcott
(Nobel Prize for Literature in 1992)

Thursday, July 2, 2009

7.2.09 - 305/365

in the studio

i got nailed by the rain on my way into work
so i hopped into the subway with my bike

i got nailed by the rain on my way home
i didn't get on the subway

i got soaked
as in totally & completely soaked

and then
after riding for 45 minutes in the rain
i was about 45 seconds away from home
and it stopped
and the sun came out

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

7.1.09 - 304/365

in the studioi am still doing these as my "life(s) lesson(s)" journals
i just didn't feel like taking a sp today
once again,
i ended up spending a massive amount of time on community stuff
it's worthwhile
but it's not working for me